I’m not always incredibly quick on the uptake, I’ll admit that. I live inside my own head a lot.
While I’ve always known that I’m attracted to men and women, I was in my twenties before I realised that knowledge came with a label attached to it. But, the real shock was realising that the rest of the world wasn’t bi. It hadn’t really registered with me until then that most people were only attracted to one gender.
I can actually pin point the moment when I first started to realise that being bi made me “different”, when it made me someone who might not be accepted, when it was perhaps something I was better off not telling certain people.
I was reading a blog written by an author I knew in passing. She wrote (and as far as I’m aware, still writes) both MM and MF. In her latest story, she’d intended to include a brief FMF scene. But, during that scene the two female characters ended up touching each other—I believe one touched the other woman’s breast.
She stopped writing and if I recall correctly, scrapped the ménage scene entirely because writing about a woman being intimate with a woman made her very uncomfortable. A woman touching another woman was icky and she wasn’t writing that.
I raised an eyebrow at the post, but being more a lurker than anything else, I didn’t comment on it. However, I did drop by the blog again to see what everyone else had to say. There were quite a few comments from other writers, all of whom were female and most of whom wrote at least some MM.
I settled down to read them, fully expecting the comments to politely suggest that the original writer grow up and stop being so homophobic. A woman touching another woman is no ickier than a man touching another man—and we write about that all the time. Show some respect. We aren’t the kind of people who have a problem with LGBT people, whichever part of the acronym someone may represent.
What I found were lots of people saying: Yeah, that would have freaked me out too. I don’t blame you for cutting the scene. Ew, girl cooties. I couldn’t write that. I’m not a lesbian.
This all happened a few years ago. I still have mixed feelings about that blog post and the comments left on it. On the one hand, no one should feel pressured to write something that makes them uncomfortable. There are things I won’t write, I’d guess that most people are the same.
On the other hand, there’s a lot to be said for treating people, even people who you don’t want to write about, with a bit of respect. The whole thing did make me wonder about the community around me—about the people who wrote same-sex romance and who I thought were so accepting of the whole rainbow. It did make me pay more attention to what was being said about women who like women—about people like me.
It did make me wonder if, having realised that I was “different” in this way, I should tell my little bit of the Queer Romance community. This was quite a few years ago now. I don’t recall any other female MM writers being openly bi. I didn’t like the idea of all those writers I was just getting to know thinking that I was icky. But I sure as hell didn’t want them accepting me on the basis of me being straight either.
I have had some interesting reactions. There’s a lot of biphobia about, from both sides. (Usually preceded by “I’m not biphobic, but…”) I still wonder sometimes how many readers see the word “bisexual” in my author bio and decide they don’t want to read something by someone who does icky things with other women.
But the good reactions have outweighed the bad.
My favourite reaction was telling my mother I was bi. Something changed that day. She went from hoping I’d meet a nice man and live happily ever after to hoping I’ll meet a nice person and live happily ever after. That was it. That reaction still makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside every damn time.
(Actually, in the interests of full disclosure, she’s now moved on to hoping I meet a nice dominant and live happily ever after. What can I say, I write BDSM, and she reads all my books. The maths isn’t complicated.)
About Kim Dare
Kim is a thirty-one year old bisexual submissive from Wales (UK). First published in 2008, she has since released almost 100 BDSM erotic romance titles ranging from short stories to full length novels. Having worked with a host of fantastic e-publishers, she has just moved into self publishing.
While she has occasionally ventured towards other pairings, Kim’s first love is still, and probably always will be, Male/Male stories. But, no matter what the pairing, from paranormal to contemporary, and from the sweet to the intense, everything she writes will always feature three things – Kink, Love and a Happy Ending.
- Website: www.kimdare.com
- Twitter: www.twitter.com/KimDareAuthor
- Blog: www.kimdare.blogspot.com
- E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
About Bi Now Gay Later
Book five in the Perfect Timing Series
Can a bi submissive really find happiness with a master who doesn’t believe bisexuality exists?
Jerry would be Denton’s ideal submissive – if only he would just get his last foot out of the closet and admit he’s properly gay. Denton loves Jerry, but he knows it’s a master’s responsibility to make sure his submissive doesn’t lie to himself or the rest of the world. He can’t let Jerry hide behind the bi-sexual label forever.
Jerry has no doubt that he’s one-hundred percent bi-sexual. He’s also well aware how much his master hates that fact. Jerry loves his master and he wants to please him, but he can’t lie and say he’s gay when he knows he’s not. Denton would be Jerry’s ideal master, if he could just accept the fact he’s bi.
Eventually, somebody’s going to have to give in and admit he’s wrong. The only question is who?